Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
