Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
