Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
