WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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