She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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