Your mouth is God's brothel.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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