i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
