I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
