there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
