She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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