So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
