you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
