so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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