so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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