K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
