I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
