he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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