too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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