i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
nutella sex= disaster
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night