ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
