So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
