I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.