Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame