Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
