I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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