would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
