I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
