I am in a vortex of obligation.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
