If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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