I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
