I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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