they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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