So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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