Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
