I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
