a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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