Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
