I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize