Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
