My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
