Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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