I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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