You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
