it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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