So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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