between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
