I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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