It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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