I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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