Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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