Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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