Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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