Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
