I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
