I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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