Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
