When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
