... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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