Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
