Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
