So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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