I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
