it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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