Sponge bath it is.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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