i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
